


don't read the last page

by mapleraindrops



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, chapter title and story names taken from "new years day" by taylor swift, i know they're not good for eachother but i still wanted to make this, i still love judah. dont worry, idk why i feel like that song works for their relationship so well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mapleraindrops/pseuds/mapleraindrops
Summary: "That kind of love, you only get it when you're young and stupid. I'm not gonna get it again. And when I tell my daughter the story of the great love of my life, I want it to have a happy ending."All they've ever known is sadness. All they've ever loved is each other. But sometimes, the best times in your life are also the worst. And sometimes, the past should just stay in the past.Alternatively: A series of drabbles showing the love story we didn't get to see. Warts and all.
Relationships: BoJack Horseman/Princess Carolyn
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	don't read the last page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't regret it. I don't regret when my dad died and you came to the funeral with me and held my hand."

**_2004_ **

It was a small ceremony, but her father was a small man. Not in size, but in impact. Her only real memories of him were of the stench of alcohol and secondhand smoke, and screaming and shouting as her mother kicked him out all those years ago, and of him driving away in a beat up pick-up truck that was older than she was. She had no idea where he went after he left. She had no idea who he met, who he loved, and she hadn’t expected that the first time she’d see her father in years would be at his funeral. 

She glanced at Bojack standing next to her, looking sweaty and anxious as he fidgeted with the collar of his suit. She still had no idea why he came. Sure, they were dating, but it’s not like he had any obligation towards her. They'd been on and off for years, (and the "on" periods seemed seemed to be lasting longer and longer). They never did anything romantic. They were basically still friends with benefits, with the deviation that she was the only person he was banging. Or so she was told.

“Here,” she said. “Let me help.” she brought his neck down and he slightly bent both knees so she could loosen his tie. 

“Hey,” he said softly as they were eye-level. “Are you okay?”

Princess Carolyn was momentarily taken aback by the genuine concern in his voice. “I-I’m fine,” she said, not taking her eyes off the neck tie. “I’m just here to pay my respects. Then we can go back to LA, or go sightseeing.”

“Is there even anywhere to go sightseeing in North Carolina?” he snarked, sliding a lit cigarette into his mouth. "Other than just potato fields." He reached for the flask in his pocket, and Princess Carolyn looked up at him with pleading eyes. 

"Not now." she said. She had almost no memories of her father that didn't involve alcohol. She didn't want her boyfriend to be drunk during the last memory she would make. "You can drink after the funeral. But please. Not now."

He didn't argue or even ask why, which shocked her. He nodded in an almost knowing way and emptied the flask into the nearest trash can, which Princess Carolyn knew was a fire hazard but for once, she didn't care. "Thank you," she mouthed, and he just nodded again and put his arm around her shoulder.

"I wonder why no one's asked me for an autograph yet. Do they not get TV in North Carolina?" he said, putting his sunglasses down as he squinted into the North Carolina sun.

She didn't answer. She instead swept her eyes across the funeral parlor, noticing that she couldn’t recognize anyone. Her father had lived a whole life. He’d met people, gone places, seen things all the while missing every important milestone in her life. Every dance recital, every school play, every graduation. The realization made her nauseous, and she stumbled as she tried to steady herself. 

Bojack grabbed her hand. “I got you,” he said, and they sat down on the chairs as the ceremony started. He held her hand, and squeezed it three times. 

He didn’t let go when the eulogy was given. 

He didn't let go when everyone else went up to speak.

He didn't let go when he leaned into her ear and asked if she would like to say something, and she said no because what was she supposed to say about the father she never knew? 

He didn’t let go when they stood over his open casket, and Princess Carolyn saw her father for the first time in over a decade, and he wrapped her arms around her as she squeezed his hand so tight she was sure she was cutting off circulation to his fingers and if it hurt him, he didn't say so and she didn’t cry, she _refused_ to cry, because she wasn’t a child anymore, she was 30, and what kind of woman would she be if she cried for a man she didn't even know?

He held her hand all the way to the car when the funeral was over, and they drove in silence until finally, the she heard the first sob escape her own mouth. 

Without speaking, he drove the car over to the side of the road and stopped it. She flung herself at him in the driver's seat and kicked off her heels, curling up like a baby in his lap as she sobbed more than she ever had, and he held her with his strong arms. He held her as he stroked her head, her back, her everything as she cried because she never knew her father and now, she never would. 

“It’s okay,” he said as he kissed her tearstained cheek, repeating what he told her back when the funeral first started. “I got you.” 

She put her face right in the crook of her neck and she screamed, her sounds muffled by the thick fabric of his blazer and the brown fur right above it. 

"Tell you what," he said when her sobs finally slowed. "Let's go back to the hotel. We can stop by a Sonic or something and get fat and drunk. We can watch one of those shitty cable movies that hotels always play. And then tomorrow we can do whatever you want." 

"Okay," she said softly, and they continued to drive. She rested her head on the window, but she could see him glancing at her every few seconds. He started talking about something, though she didn't hear it. 

They never did end up eating fast food and getting drunk. She had fallen asleep in the car, and he had carried her in. When she woke up, she was in a dark hotel room and Bojack was snoring loudly next to her (no matter how big the bed was, he always ended up pressed to her, his arms wrapped around her torso, and Princess Carolyn couldn't lie and said she hated it). She sighed and sat up, then immediately ran to the bathroom. 

“Carolyn..?” she heard Bojack call groggily from the bed. “Where... are you in the bathroom?” 

Then finally, her lunch came up and Bojack was next to her on the bathroom floor, rubbing her back. “Are you okay? I didn’t see you drink anything at the funeral.”

“I didn’t. I'm not drunk,” she said between heaves. “It must’ve just been something I ate. Either that or it’s the heat getting to me. I’m fine.” she flushed the toilet and sat up. She looked at him, the worry in his eyes mixed with sleep. As she retched one more time, a familiar feeling of dread washed over her. She knew it wasn't something she ate. She had a sickening feeling that she knew exactly what it was. “I’m fine,” she repeated, more to soothe her own nerves than his. “Let’s just go back to bed.” 

She started to stand up, but he interrupted her. “Princess Carolyn…”

“Yes?”

“Do you,” he swallowed. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“What about?”

“You know what about, Lynn,” he said, using the old nickname he once gave her. “We just came back from your dad’s funeral. Not 6 hours ago you cried in my arms. It’s okay to be sad. It’s just me, Bojack. Maybe to the rest of the world you can put on that brave face, but you’re my girl. I…” (the _“love you”_ was on his lips. Or maybe she just wanted it to be there). “I care about you,” he said instead. 

She sat back down. She moved closer to him, putting her back to his chest, practically sitting in his lap. She leaned back, and he was there to stop her from falling. “Okay,” she said finally, “Let’s talk.”

And they did. They sat in that bathroom that smelled like vomit and they talked for hours until the sun came up. They talked about their shitty families and the people they worked with and Bojack told her, with all sincerity, that he might not say it enough, but she was the best thing that ever happened to him. 

And he was sober, too. Or as sober as he could be. She had known Bojack Horseman for over 10 years, and this was the first time she'd seen him not take a sip of alcohol in 24 hours. He'd thrown away a whole flask, just because she told him too. She put her head under his neck and when he breathed out, for the first time she could recall, he smelled of just plain old morning breath and not the stench of alcohol and cigarettes she tasted every time she kissed him.

She looked up at him, and when he looked back at her, he smiled and kissed the top of her head in a way that brought tingles down to her toes. They'd been sleeping together for 10 years, and that one kiss released more endorphins than all of the times they spent in bed together combined.

When it was time to get up, she stood first and reached her hand out to pull him up, and he grabbed it tightly. She smiled at him and he smiled back, and he finally carried her back to the bed. They didn't leave till several hours later.

He never did tell her he loved her. Not that day, at least. But Princess Carolyn didn’t need him to. That night, when he was asleep and he subconsciously held her hand, she squeezed it three times, and he did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think the show specified exactly when PC and Bojack first started dating. I suspect they were friends with benefits while "Horsin' Around" was still airing, and started dating on and off after the show ended until 2007 when she became his agent. After that, they officially became "boyfriend and girlfriend" and this lasted until they broke up during the pilot.


End file.
